On Being the Girl Boys Don't See.
I've always wondered, all those girls that say "I could be in a relationship if I wanted" or "Boys are in my DM's, married men are in my DM's," how? How on earth? Because me, I can't relate.
There is no boy in my DM, not to talk of boys abi married men.
I can't count the number of times I'd be roaming the streets of Instagram, and I'd see some girl talking about how she rejected 100 men last week. Or how she thinks men have horrible pickup lines.
In my mind, I'm like, what is the secret formula? You people should tell me. What am I missing? Is there some sort of initiation process or am I not pretty enough, charismatic enough...
I remember my close friend, Hazel, talking about how different boys approach her and how she is tired of it. And I'm like, on this same earth? This same Naija where we dey? Torhh
This is me being vulnerable. A part of me would prefer to keep this to myself, but I have to know because I can't be the only one. Besides, there are no secrets between us. So here it is.
I turn nineteen in a couple of weeks, and no guy has ever asked me out. No guy has ever shown any interest in me, romantically. Or has it happened and I've been oblivious? Sha, to my knowledge, no guy has ever told me "Lase, I like you and I would love to know you better."
The only relationship I have been in, I made the first move.
All the time there has been rejection involved, I have been rejected - i.e. I make the first move, and I'm either rejected outright or ghosted.
Does it hurt? Yes. But, las las we go dey alright.
Sometimes I like to give myself the benefit of the doubt. I think to myself, maybe they're intimidated by me, maybe I look unapproachable, maybe they're just shy.
Other times I'm not so nice. Maybe I'm not pretty enough, maybe I'm too fat, maybe I laugh too loud...
And there it is - that insidious cycle of self-doubt that can take root when the romantic attention you crave doesn't arrive as you've been conditioned to expect.
See, from a young age, we're bombarded with stories and societal narratives that reinforce certain expectations around romance. Popular media teaches us that for girls, being pursued is almost a foregone conclusion. All we have to do is exist, and inevitably, the leading lad will come calling with flirtations and flawless pickup lines.
But real life isn't a romcom. There's no script, no perfect timing, and certainly no guarantee that Prince Charming will sweep you off your feet. The reality for many, including myself, is different. We live in a world where beauty standards and social hierarchies dictate who gets noticed and who doesn’t.
As I navigate this reality, I can't help but question these norms. Why is romantic attention so often equated with self-worth? Why am I tying my value to how many men are in my DMs? It’s exhausting and unfair.
Boys may not "see" me, but I am young still. And more importantly, I see me. The journey for me has only just begun. And I'm not going to let myself be sad about something I can't control. I refuse to let external validation determine my self-worth and how I view myself.
So yh do I get sad from time to time that boys are not rushing me? Yes. Do I instantly remind myself that boys attention are not the standard? Also yes.
Las las, we go dey alright.